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  • Rob


RH took the mantle of Quiz Meister this week with his roughly themed game show quiz. I spoke to him in the week and he assured me that the nonce round was done and I needn't worry (like it is my only reason to play the quiz!) and he confirmed there would be a few twists and turns too!

It was great to see DE and MW & GW make their much anticipated return - they have been properly missed over the last few weeks. Sadly DB & JB had to miss the weekly brainteasing session as DB had work to do against a tight deadline, hopefully they will return next week...

RH started by setting out the format of the quiz; there would be 156 questions and, cryptically, a quiz within the quiz. When pressed, he revealed there would be a Blankety Blank and Family Fortunes round which prompted AM to shout "well that is my next quiz ruined, yer twat!" His ire was stoked further when he started shouting at his TV because Coldplay came on...

The first round was a multiple guess, general knowledge round and it is fair to say we did shit. This would be a bit of a theme for the night for us! In true write up style, my notes are shocking, the first indecipherable scribble says; EDC - "you missed what you can touch, yer knob head"...I think. Answers on a postcard boys and girls. As I say most weeks, I can only apologise... I'm going to trial a new way of making notes for the next quiz, more news when I have it.

Then it was on to our latest Hall of Fame round, Family Fortunes. RH asked us a series of questions, we gave what we thought was the best answer and then, once we had all jotted something down, he revealed that the focus group who provided the responses were children! Massive twist, completely caught everyone off guard as we all would've come back with something different if we had known this. Needless to say, there was much gnashing of teeth and swearing at this round!!!

Q. Name a country that starts with A. All the normal answers came in, Australia was the top answer but one of the smaller ones was Albania - cue an AM rant!!! "Where are these fucking kids from?! Albania? They deserve to go on holiday with the McCann's!!!"

Q. Name something you get chased by in movies. Time for another cracking quote from AM. Upon returning the quiz; HE - "what did I miss?" AM - "zombies and dinosaurs and shit - knob heads"

Q. Name a breed of dog. Labrador was the top answer (and possibly the answer everyone chose subconsciously influenced by SDC & EDC's gorgeous new 'Andrex' puppy). I asked TC how his dog was taking the news that he didn't make the top 5, he looked down at a comatose Weimaraner, lying on his back with his feet in the air and said "he can't even look at the screen".

Q. Name a job unsuitable for someone who is clumsy. With the revelation that the answers were provided by kids, AM ruefully chimed in "well I'm getting fuck all for glass collector" - that had me in stitches!

Q. Name something that can be spread. RH kindly offered a bonus point if we mentioned the extra answer he had added to the official ones. Top answer was butter, most people said legs as the dirty answer, not sure we had any winners with 'piss flaps'.

Q. Name something you take on holiday. One of the answers was apparently Crocks, this didn't go down well with AM again! "Who fucking said Crocks?!?!"

AM then regaled us with a story about his time in college where he 'starred' in their production of My Fair Lady. He confirmed that his starring role was actually as Cockney Bystander 2 and his line in the show was "Cor blimey Guv'nor!" Outstanding work, we all agreed.

There was a mini-spat in the DC household when SDC said "you can't have any illness in this house. "I've got a cold!" well I've had a transplant!!!" to which EDC shot back "hang on, I could break my leg and she would just say "get over it, you've had a transplant" I can't win!!!"

Next up was Blankety Blank and like the It's A Knockout round a few weeks ago, the instructions took longer than the quiz. This time RH told us when the show was broadcast to help us a little when looking for the answer. Unfortunately the show was recorded in the late 70s so it was almost zero help!!!

There was another spat, this time over the water when HE was disgusted with the answer the contestant gave "tiara!? tiara?!?!" and AM tried to smooth the waters by shouting "you can say it as many times as you like, it is still fucking wrong!!!" The mood didn't improve when the answer to 'Bless ____' was 'this house' - oh just fuck off came the exasperated response.

It was then on to the Catchphrase round which had the double whammy of infuriation with all the picture clues being sent on WhatsApp in the wrong orientation which meant we had to hold the phone at a funny angle to view and with a scoring system that rendered most of the quiz redundant! Get all of the previous questions right, it was the same as getting there tough questions correct in this round!!! My dummy was well and truly spat out...when I couldn't get those three questions!!! As RH said, it is the same for everyone though, which was right to be honest...

We thought we had lost HE after the Catchphrase round, she disappeared off screen as she had to go outside to get some air. We were worried about her but AM eased our minds by saying "she is just pissed, she is ok now. In fact she has gone for another drink". Tell you what, they should bottle the air outside their house as it has incredible healing powers!!!

There was a TV Theme Tune round which caused a skirmish in our house when I suggested the tune being played was for Dawson's Creek. Miss L gave me a funny look and said "you always say the theme tune is Dawson's Creek when you don't know the answer". I went full smug face when the answer was Dawson's Creek!!! Also, one of the shows was Narcos which let me play the boss theme tune over and over!!!

Talking of boss tunes, I revealed that my current song obsession was a cover of the Nick Cave song 'Red Right Hand' by and artist called Holiday Sidewinder (her real name by the way). Think the theme tune from Peaky Blinders done by a 70s disco act and you are getting there. Suddenly there were heads on my screen nodding in appreciation. If you haven't heard it yet, get on it - I'm listening to it on repeat as I type!!!

Without warning SDC & EDC disappeared from the quiz, worried we pinged them a message on Whats App to check everything was ok. Turns out the lecky had blown because of all the additional Christmas lights. RH claimed it was actually because they had too many vibrators on charge at once, it happens all the time apparently, "ask RG!"

Finally there was the nonce face swap round. A still from a famous film with the main actors face replaced by someone who can't go 100 yards of a school. I have two notes here that relate to the round but I'm struggling for the contest. RH - "Janet Lee, I took the stunt woman's name" and TC - "You haven't done Spock yet, you dick!!!" More answers on more postcards please!!!

And with that final round the quiz was over. The team who came last had over 400 points thanks to that mad Catchphrase round but the winners were SDC and EDC. SDC had to disappear early to "deal with an hysterical child and a pissy puppy" so EDC rightly took the plaudits and even did a victory speech "I'd like to thank R Kelly for that last round." Quite.

As usual, players melted away and the knitting circle jangled into the night. I can't remember much of it this week, I may have had a go at RH for the Catchphrase round (sorry) and wound him up about Klopp spitting his dummy out (not sorry) but I know I had a great time. It was a great quiz with another Hall of Fame addition in Family Fortunes, absolutely inspired in terms of the twist and the reactions to it in the chat. Well done fella!!!


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