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  • Rob


This week it was TC's turn to skipper the good ship Quiz Night and he decided the theme would be planes, trains and automobiles...and miscellaneous! Most of the questions were based on travel or travelling which was a great theme, I'm surprised we haven't seen it before, to be honest.

TC explained that there would also be a 'Noncepedia' round and a whole set of questions on EDC's Dragon's Den pitch 'Wank 'n' Go'. AM & HE missed last weeks quiz and were unaware of the specifics on EDC's money-making scheme and asked for a "blow by blow description" of what is involved. <polite applause>

The host advised that there was one question in the entire quiz which shouldn't be there as it had nothing to do with planes, trains or automobiles, once we saw this question we needed to reply to everyone in the WhatsApp group with the word 'NONCE', the first in would get 5 bonus points. Cue endless messages...

To check the levels so everyone could hear the sounds from his laptop ahead of the music round, TC played a short clip which had everyone in bulk. He had recorded a promo for 'Wank 'n' Go'!!! Honestly, it was one of the funniest things I've heard, instant Hall of Famer right there boys and girls!!!

We sped through the first round quicker than a Japanese bullet train, learning all kinds of interesting facts then it was on to planes were we found out that the first flight made by the Wright Brothers was shorter than the length on a Jumbo Jet apparently. Also, the first commercial flight took off from Tampa in Florida. Surely that is a nonce question? Apparently not...

Then it was on to cars and a question about an American automobile which was the last to have what fitted as standard in 2011. One of the options was an 8-Track which Ms L wrote down as an 'A-track' which then led to a long conversation about what a friggin' 8-Track is! AM also revealed something offensive about his car which is borderline homophobic and completely unprovable!!!

RG wasn't with us at the beginning of the quiz as she fell asleep but soon joined in much to the annoyance of RH who claimed he was doing alright until she turned up, after that it was wrong guess, wrong guess, wrong guess apparently - those two love birds, so cute!!!

My favourite type of round was up next, music! All about travelling or travel, there were a couple that were shoe-horned in (I'm looking at you Madison Avenue) and then astonishment from AM that I couldn't remember it was Scooch who sang 'Flying The Flag' at Eurovision representing the UK. Apparently, I just needed to remember that their name is rhyming slang for 'gooch' which is a term for the bit between the front and back bottom of a lady and also the nickname AM gives his birthday as it is in-between "the fanny of Christmas and the arsehole of New Year" - erm, right, that is that cleared up then!

In a break between rounds, TC explained his thought process behind the quiz and admitted that he almost gave away the topic in a previous quiz but luckily he was on mute. He also revealed that he had been thinking about 'Wank 'n' Go' in work - really?!?!? Anyway, it had inspired him to do a round about it in the quiz but had to resist doing 'research' until he got home!

As I was changing the playlist on the telly it flicked to the last channel I was watching (Comedy Central) which just happened to be showing Airplane 2, quite apt considering the theme this week. Cue AM shouting "Guess I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing glue!"

Not sure why (my notes start to go fuzzy here) but we had a conversation about doors and how AM & HE had to buy a new one instead of treating themselves to something nice and TC's brother created a carved oak door that the police failed to smash to pieces as part of a raid before being told it was already open!

Back to the quiz and it was geography (I think). One of the questions was "Name a country with only four letters in its name". Some of them were obvious (Cuba, Mali), some of them I'd never heard of (Niue - I think it was that, that is what I have scrawled down...I think) and one which was missing (Eire) which gave me a titty lip! Others included Iran, Iraq and Peru off the top of my head.

Then it was on to Noncepedia! If you have ever seen Only Connect on BBC2 (if not, why not, it is boss) then it was a bit like that. Three facts, if you got the answer right after the first fact, 3 points, after the second, 2 points and 1 point after the third. Really funny round with some weird notes scribbled down that I can't make head nor tail of to be honest.

Here is what I have:

* 'Cockney nonces!'

* TC - 'Kevin Spacey was withdrawn because he was not a convicted nonce. I checked. I withdrew'.

* 'YAAAS!' - The sound we made when we got Max Clifford for 2 points!!!

* EDC - 'Ooooh, a Scottish nonce!'

* Ms L - 'I'm running out of nonces here!'

* AM - 'Fritzel's daughter got with a big Security guy...I'm not surprised, she was bent over for years'

* RG - 'We did well on nonces, it all started with the milkman'

* JC - 'Our dog is not a nonce!'

I apologise if any/all of that was wrong, it is the best I can do with the terrible, terrible notes I have. The 'facts' were recorded right in the middle of what I like to call 'the gin zone'. Maybe one week I'll task someone else with writing a review (or even just send me some clear notes!)

Then it was on to the last round; 'Wank 'n' Go'! This started JC on a side conversation about a ladies-only franchise called 'Flick 'n' Go'. EDC was very interested in this...dirty boy! The round was another funny place name round, this time focussing on places ideally named to host a franchise point. RH confirmed his favourite was 'Bushy Gap'...that kinda tells you what the names were like!

Last week, RH put down that all the mad places names were real (even though some of them were fictional) and this week he went for the same deluded strategy proclaiming "I'm either getting full marks or fuck all!" His plan worked like a charm when TC confirmed that all the iffy place names were in fact real! Cue wild celebrations in the RH & RG household!!!

That round brought the quiz to an end with me and Ms L very narrowly snatching victory from AM & HE by a couple of points. Like I say every week though, it isn't the winning it is definitely the taking part, having a few drinks and a ton of laughs. TC produced another cracking quiz and was very magnanimous when he said: "it’s not just the person who does the quiz it’s the people taking part that make it". Well said that man...

The post-quiz drinking and gossiping started, I have notes about EDC claiming he could be Will Smith if he were allowed to do something quite offensive, we noted that AM didn't have his usual mid-quiz rant but that was probably because TC steered away from politics, I quickly started Googling Operation Yewtree for reasons unknown and RG came out with the classic "if you are going to be a proper nonce, you have to pay for it" - I think she meant as in jail time as opposed to some sort of junior 'Wank 'n' Go' thing. Christ, junior 'Wank 'n' Go...I've just been sick in my mouth a little bit.


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